As a male feminist, one gets to face raised eyebrows and it is often a topic to be avoided amongst your male friends. As you are more likely to be judged than understood, I chose to share my views here through this article.
Within the apparently elite social circles of India, talks on feminism are quite natural and people do have the liberty to share their views, in one way or the other. The lesser privileged sections do not even have that freedom. I am not trying to say that the elite class is more feminist for their liberty of expression, rather on the contrary, their openness is also limited only to talks at most of the times.
It wouldn’t be wrong to say that we have made good progress in our efforts to give women some bit of equality in the society, but we are still far away from giving equality, they truly deserve. I guess, the restraining beliefs are so deep rooted and strong in our minds that we do it without even realizing.
If I have to take an example of Indian political scenario, until one month ago the political parties were attacking each other on corruption, scams, failed economy, minority appeasement etc. But all of a sudden, when Priyanka Gandhi came in the forefront, the narratives suddenly moved from political issues to her outfit. Political leaders started debating that why does she wear jeans in Delhi and sarees in UP. Such misused political power of statement! People trying to see, how much she resembles her grandmother. Really? Is that all we have to talk? As a pure political opponent, if you have to bring her down, why can’t you talk about her lack of competence or lack of experience as a leader? Is it that tough to talk real sense?
In the corporate world too, the not-so-successful efforts to have women at the top are not hidden from anyone. At best, few of the corporates are trying to put dummies as board of directors to prove their point on gender diversity.
A working woman in India today is facing a complete burn out at the middle stage of her career. The burden of managing work and family for almost 20 odd years by then, takes a toll on her. For a man, career progression decisions are based on pay cheque, future prospects & job specification, while for a woman, the first criteria mostly supersede as how a change may impact family life, kids and spouse. And more often than not, many talented and deserving women end up prioritizing the personal life at the cost of their professional growth.
Let me also bring your attention to our very interesting family dynamics. A basic and simple thing about addressing each other as relatives – when one is addressing elderly people, it is not very difficult, you call them as Bua, Mama, Mami, Chacha, Chachi etc. but our patriarchy gets exposed, when it comes to addressing the youngers in the family. So, if you are talking to a ‘jamai’ (son in law) of the family, you are expected to address his name suffixed with “ji”, even if he was born after you started receiving your pension. On the other hand, the ‘bahu’ (daughter in law) of the house is expected to put a respectable address for every relative’s name – ‘ji’, ‘didi’, ‘bhaiya’, irrespective of their age difference. Because she has been awarded the prestigious title of being a ‘Bahu’ of the house and this is the least she should do. My hands are shaking in anger while I type the above. This completely unsettles me.
I am sure people expect me to talk about the recent incidents as well, of women entering Sabarimala and other religious shrines. To be honest, I don’t give too much attention to this. As an atheist, I feel woman are better off not bothering about the religions that have never given them equality in the first place. At a deeper level, most religions seem to advocate patriarchy.
A lot of such biases about women are sometimes found to be originated and promoted by women themselves. They can be the biggest hindrance to allow change in female society. The elderly ones feel that since they lived their lives in a certain pattern, the next generation is obviously expected to follow suit. The rest of them are conditioned to believe that men are superior and they deserve the preference given at home and in society.
My experience with all the women around makes me believe that ‘equality’ is not the right term for them. Women are actually ‘superior’ to men in so many ways. Given complete freedom to express themselves, men will find it difficult to compete with them and they are already feeling the heat.
So, all the women out there:
Assert yourself – Don’t be submissive, don’t live your life just for others, put across your points firmly. People will respect you as much as you respect yourself, hence give yourself that due respect.
Ask for what you deserve – Whether it is a fair paycheck or a break from house hold chores or a vacation, ask for what you deserve without feeling guilty about it. You have earned it and the people around you, either family or your employer are obligated to listen to you.
Don’t compromise on what you want, due to what others want from you – Lot of women just spend too much time & energy worrying about others, husband, kids, parents, in-laws, colleagues et al. In the process you tend to lose yourself, you even forget what YOU want. Don’t allow this to happen to you. Care for others but not at the cost of ignoring yourself.
Never forget to do things just for you – The ‘me-time’ concept is relatively new yet so appropriate for all of us, especially women. Find out ways to pamper yourself, do things which give you pleasure, at times, sometimes do just nothing if that’s what makes you happy.
Support other women trying to create their place – If you see another woman, who is fighting for her rights, trying to create a place for herself in the society or workplace – do not give in to join others in pulling her down, rather throw your weight behind her and support her fully. The support you give her is actually the support you are providing to the half of this world’s population and for which, the world would be eternally grateful to you.
To conclude, there is this one person you have no option, but to spend your rest of the life with; and that person is yourself. Nurture her, grow her, celebrate her.
Happy Women’s Day!